"Lily," I heard Edward whisper to me but his voice seemed so distant to my inner turmoil. I took one hesitant step back, followed by one or two more before I felt him grab my arm abruptly, pulling me slightly towards himself. But my mind was too hazed by the strange revelation of my true feelings in a not so impressive and romantic way.
I had always recalculated every possibility of being exposed or disclosed about my feelings but none of them involved one certain beautiful Edward's girlfriend. Edward never dated before Lara, proving the fact that he really and seriously was in love with her.
Usually, when there is a girl being in love with her best friend, that said friend was always some playboy or manwhore but that wasn't the case with Edward. Of course, in romance novels it was!
He was too honest with everything involved with his love life, liked always to share every minute detail of his romantic encounters with me.
I still remember the day when he had his first kiss with Lara after he confessed to her and she accepted it. He was sweating all day, his cheeks were flushed and he didn't even dare to meet my eyes for the whole week as if he happened to rape someone on the street!
He was always shy when it came to lingering touches and sexual encounters. Once he dragged me all the way to his house in the middle of the night only to watch porn with me cause he wanted to have his first time with Lara as loving, passionate and pleasurable as possible.
Lara was not too shy when it came to such things, always pestering him for more attention and more restricting positions.
Ahem! I was his friend for god's sake.
And you never tell your friend what type of position your girlfriend loved!
But this was Edward we were talking about, so any rules that were applicable to humans didn't apply to him.
He didn't talk to me for a whole month only because I refused to tell him I was in my fucking menstrual cycle and I had to walk all alone to buy medicines for cramps! He was grumpy because I denied accepting his help in my painful conditions when I clearly helped him in his own!
He said he knew all about female anatomy so I shouldn't have hidden it from him!
I also know the fucking male anatomy but I don't point to you every day shouting in your gigantic elephant ears for your embarrassing morning arousals pressing against my back, now do I?
And don't even remind me of the situation where I had to watch naked man and woman fucking each other, slurping each other's tongue as if they never possessed a brain in the first place!
I mean what did they even find on lips to be so addicting that they go as far as digging and plunging their tongue and teeth into other's mouth!
But I would prefer to have all my hair shaved from my body in a rather unorderly fashion before admitting that to anyone about my non-existent love life!
And my present pathetic condition!
After we had finished watching that porn where they practically were eating each other, fingering the female who was eliciting not too innocent moans before joining their mouth and tongue in her womanhood, I had this urge to dig an infinite meters hole on the tiled floor which would lead me to hell before I could even turn to look at Edward who was clearly sweating profusely, more aroused than me.
And it didn't help when he had his fingers gripping my arm, stopping me to go anywhere and we watched that embarrassing video all night, where I would sense his discomfort when he would shift uncomfortably in the couch, more often touching his pants. Once he saw me, his eyes gazing below my eyes and I realised what he was looking at.
I was wearing a pyjama shirt for the night but considering the size of my generous ample chest, it didn't help much when pertaining to my female anatomy, I was also aroused watching porn and I could see my hardened nipples poking my shirt, feeling an unusual feeling in the pit of my stomach when he licked his lips looking at my slightly heaving chest.
I cracked my neck slightly, pretending to take a stretch before covering and rolling myself in a nearby blanket properly. I could hear him chuckle behind me and my face turned into a scowl when he told me he was only teasing me with this whole seducing thing.
My eyes had flickered to his pyjama pants where I could see his hardened erection clearly pressing against the cloth. That was the sign. He immediately stuffed a pillow over his discomfort and I chuckled more for his flushed cheeks and shaking sweaty hands!
He told me to go back to sleep and he insisted he slept on the floor in spite of my protest against me not being a weak girl.
He ended the conversation pleading me to let him sleep on the floor as it would be for the benefit of both of us!
I never heard the end of the day when he lost his virginity to Lara, broadcasting it too shamelessly to me. He was so happy because Lara liked his first time and first attempt too much for an amateur. He hugged me many times the following days to express his happiness whenever he would succeed in making Lara happy.
Days went by as I got busy in my medical studies and him, in his own. We used to call, text and video call more often than usual cause it was first for both of us to be away from each other for this long.
I still remember the day when Edward's mother pronounced to me so excitedly that in no time, Edward would miss me so much, practically dying for my company before he would profess his undying love and affection for me, pleading me to be his wife and he would dump Lara in front of me.
As if people were allowed to be that optimistic!
The fact had loopholes but it wasn't without impressive results either, I concluded. We were four years away from each other. I don't know if he missed me or not but I was sure as hell that I was dying each and every day, coaxing my insides to not beg to see his smile every day or to hear his voice.
Sure, he would call me three or four times a day, but most of its contents were always filled with the Lara did this and Lara did that and Lara laughed at this or Lara laughed at that. And I, as a kind and loving friend I was, did what I should never have done.
I encouraged him in his courting, helping him selecting gifts and accessories for her with video calls. When during my stay at hostels, I fell ill with mere chickenpox where I ended up not talking to him for a whole month, I sure as hell wasn't expecting him to run like a weak squirrel all the way to me.
To say that I was surprised was an understatement. I remember him shouting at my warden for not taking care of me properly, and when she didn't allow a boy like him to visit a girl like me saying I lived in a girl's hostel, she was welcomed with a not too habitual Edward's volcano glare!
He stayed with me for next whole month in spite of me being too overreactive about his loss of classes and studies but he assured me that he could handle very well without seeing my dead body in such a young age! I couldn't resist rolling my eyes at his drama.
He took care of me, feeding me, cleaning me, wiping my face, and he also ordered a television to be installed in my room where we used to have occasional movie marathons.
Edward's mother bombarded my phone with her texts of success shouting imaginarily at me how his son couldn't survive a year without me and went running like a cow to me.
Hah! If only she knew her son!
I returned three years later to find his mother awaiting my arrival more than my own mother. She had me all dolled up from head to toe, insisting that I had to look astonishingly beautiful to receive his son's proposal. She was so sure that he would propose to me, I had my hopes high too.
She lectured me all night about how should I stand or how should I hug, occasionally wiping her tears to show how much she already wanted me to be her daughter-in-law!
We waited. And waited. It was past midnight.
But he didn't come.
We waited again.
And this time, he came.
But not alone.
I couldn't get more humiliated than that day when he announced to the whole Jones household that he was to marry Lara and that she had already accepted his proposal. His eyes met mine and they widened for a millisecond before he shifted a little away from Lara to walk towards me.
Edward's parents looked at me with pity and I averted my gaze to look at the said fiancee of my best friend who looked more mature and beautiful since the last time I saw her.
I turned abruptly on my heels back to my room before I could lose even the last shred of my dignity which was already hanging loose in my mind. I felt someone tug at my arm but I didn't turn. I knew who it was.
Man. If only I could erase all those painful memories and start my life all over again!
All without him.
I immediately shoved the excuse of my homecoming party when he raised his eyebrows at my adorned beautiful self all covered in artificial stuff which he knew I wasn't accustomed to.
Nevertheless, he engulfed me in his arms as if he really would have died a day without having me in his embrace, continuously accusing me of not telling him of my sudden return since he said he should've planned something big if he had known it beforehand.
Little did he know the effect of his announcement of his proposal to Lara on me!
And here I was, standing in the middle of some park wearing semi short blue dress looking ravishing and hot according to the people's stares, in the beautiful evening of my fake date with my fake husband and best friend, being his fake wife with a fake smile plastered on my face and he told me just now that his girlfriend thought that I was in love with him!
Which I was, to be honest.
I didn't even know when the moments of my life which I always dreamed of sharing with Edward since I realised I was in love with him turned so ‘fake’!