I shuffled in my blanket, tossing and turning over it, putting my arms around my body to gain some warmth.
Heavy rain was pouring outside, loud claps of thunder reverberated the ambient and cold wet breeze was coming from the open window of my bedroom, decreasing the temperature of the room.
I stood up from the floor, wrapping the blanket tightly around my body and walked towards the window. Extending my one hand outside, I let cold water fall down my arms and I closed my eyes, inhaling the muddy aroma of the wet soil, clutching the blanket from my other hand.
Faint yellow light penetrated through the heavy rain just as I saw shining grey car stopping abruptly in front of my house. I narrowed my eyes, trying to recognise the model of the car and my eyes widened in awe.
I quickly shut the door of the window tight, realising whose car it was, and
that was the last person I wanted to see that day.
Fumbling with my blanket, I managed to find my phone, which was stuffed in my jeans and lifted it in my hand hesitantly to see 67 missed calls and 134 texts from Edward!
I closed my eyes in frustration just as I heard the doorbell rang. Once, twice and then thrice. With some desperation now!
I held my phone in my hand, seeing the call from Edward. After some futile attempts to ignore it, I finally put the phone on speaker.
"I know you're there, Emily! Open the damn door!"
"I don't want to talk to you right now-"
"But I want to talk to you! It's urgent!"
"I really am not in the mood right now!"
"Please Emily" He pleaded. "Don't do this to us. Atleast talk to me. I really am sorry for everything. I am here to make evrything right again. I have come here for you and only you." I heard him adjust himself "And besides its already raining heavily and I'm completely drenched from head to toe. You know how easily I catch cold and what if I suffer from some serious diseases as in like cholera, typhoid, viral fever" He lowered his voice, putting it in a dangerous tone now "and worse maybe pneumonia....and I heard from someone intelligent, who is very close to my heart, that it's one hell of a disease. A person could really suffer badly and painfully from it and maybe die...." He trailed off, leaving me to imagine the rest of it and I could imagine him pouting at the phone. My lips curled upward at his insane stupidity.
"You really are such a drama queen you know that?"
"Why thank you very much. It requires much dedication and practice to master this art. After all, someone has to play a role of girl!"
I chuckled at his words, climbing down the stairs quickly in a little relief and opened the door.
I peeked like a puppy from the corner of the door, seeing Edward running his long fingers along his cheek and neck, remnant moisture dripping from his hands. He still didn't notice I opened the door already due to the heavy rain pouring outside as he continued to ruffle his hairs, dusting off moisture from it.
I coughed loudly and he snapped his head in my direction, putting his phone back in his pocket.
"Come in. I'll make you some tea."
"Where is Mom and Dad?"
"Mom went to meet Dad in his office."I looked at him, with guilt and pain. "With our divorce papers."
Edward stared at me continuosly with some strange emotion in his eyes, without blinking twice, and for a moment, I thought it was the indeed the same emotion I had always looked at him with, all these fifteen years.
I shook my head vigorously, not believing myself even a bit and when I looked back at him, his eyes were completely blank, deprived of every emotions.
After offering him a towel to wipe himself, I made two of us some tea and we drank it in a complete silence, both of us not finding the exact words to start any plausible conversation without making it too awkward.
I placed my empty cup on the table and looked at him. "Do you want another cup of tea?"
"No. I am fine."
I nodded in approval and walked towards the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water to drink.
"You really don't want to talk about it, Emily!?"
Gulping down the liquid quickly, I looked at him and found him looking back at me.
With shimmering hope in his eyes.
The same hope he had the day he asked me to marry him.
And I agreed to it, without thinking of its consequences.
"What else is left there to talk to about, Edward?"
He looked at me with a questioning gaze. "There is still a lot left to say and to be heard, Emily." He avereted his eyes somewhere else. "Atleast from my side." He whisperd faintly, but it was loud enough for me to hear it clearly.
I walked towards him and sat beside him, leaving a clear respectable distance between us. Edward turned a little to see that space and looked quickly at me in mild shock and confusion, his face contorting in dismay, indicating that the space between us seemed too far to him than normal.
"I don't think it's really required anyway. After all, the truth is out for my parents, and it's just a matter of hours before your parents also hear about it. I'm sure they won't be very happy after learning all about our lies and I can't even imagine what they might do to both of us once they learn we have been betraying their expectations all this time."
Abruptly, Edward turned towards me and pulled me to his side. His hands were on my face, caressing it gently and my breath got hitched in my throat when I saw his expression filled with annoyance and rage.
He moved his face closer towards mine and I found myself trapped in between his arms and the cushions. I looked down at my now fisted hands, feeling too conscious of his hot breath fanning my lips.
"Edward?" I whispered to myself.
"Will you never forgive me for what I did, Emily?"
I refused to meet his eyes and instead fixed my gaze somewhere behind him, on the violet coloured wall.
"I am sorry for what happened, Emily. Please! Atleast look at me when I apologize to you."
"I am not mad at you, Edward. I told you I'm just a little moody, that's it."
He sighed loudly, running his fingers through his hairs. "You also took your stuff back without telling me."
"This all happened so fast, I barely had the time to tell you about it so I found it necessary that I must pack and go back with my Mom. After all, it wouldn't have made any difference even if you would've spoken every words in the dictionary to convince her and it was possible, matters would have even more worsened then and I didn't want any conflicts between our families because of our stupid mistake."
"Was marrying me seems a stupid mistake to you, Emily!?"
I looked at him. "Isn't it Edward? I was never married to you for real so-"
"I don't care! I married you in front of the whole world, took honest vows with you, and kissed you for real to seal my words forever! I did everything in reality, for the whole world to see, so what's the evidence that I married you for fake!"
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and rubbed my sweaty palms
with my finger to hide my nervousness.
"I was honest when I said that I'll cherish and take care of you, in sickness or in health. Till death do us apart." He took my hands gently and I looked at him in shock. He covered my cold hands firmly with his warm ones, this common gesture leaving butterflies to dance around every corner of my stomach "I was honest, Emily, when I took you as my wife, both legally and emotionally."
"You really can't say anything like this now when everything is over, Edward! It's too late to confess anything!"
"I was honest about everything I ever did with you, Emily!"
"But you love Lara!"
"I know it very well!"
I glared at him, my temper rising. "You seriously can't expect me to stay with you after everything you have ever done to me!"
"I apologised for it!"
"That's what I am trying to ask you! Why the hell would you apologise to me when you claim that everything you ever did with me was out of your utmost honesty, Edward!"
"You don't understand-"
"Then explain it to me! I'm ready to hear what plausible reason you can ever provide me with, after everything we have been through!"
"Emily, I really... " He looked at me with annoyance and some unreadable expression on his face, his mouth opening to say something but his tongue not being able to utter it out.
I kept looking at him, hoping for some reliving words from his side. But he didn't say anything more and I slumped lazily on the couch, leaning my head on my side to curse myself for ever hoping anything from him again.
My head snapped in surprise just as Edward caught my wrist firmly and pulled me up.
I looked at him in surprise and confusion as he started to drag me with him, through the rooms, the kitchen, the lobby before he turned the front doorknob open and pulled me outside.
Impulsively, I put my free hand over my face as the cold rain poured mercilessly over me. In mere minutes, water seeped into my clothes, producing tingling sensation on my body while Edward continued to drag me through the garden.
"Edward!" I shouted at him, expecting him to reply but he continued to take me, with strange determination in his eyes.
"Where're you taking me, Edward!?"
He turned his head towards me a little. "Back to my house! Back to our home!" He didn't wait for me to respond and started to pull me in front of his car, his hands tightening around my wrists almost painfully.
I stopped abruptly in my steps, with
my own determination, making him turn around to look at me. He tilted his head to stare at me in confusion, his wet shirt clinging tightly to his chest and his hairs sticking to the side of his face, as he narrowed his eyes to focus his gaze at me in that heavy downpour.
I looked at him, pressing my free hand over my wrist and slipped my hand out of his grip. "I am not coming back, Edward." I told him quietly, taking two steps away from him. His hand fell lazily to his side, staying there for a moment before his fingers curled into fists.
"I'm sorry. Forgive me but I can't help you anymore."
"But I am not taking you with me for any help, Emily!"
"I don't know. I just don't feel like staying with you anymore. Besides we don't have a right to-"
"Because you divorced me, Edward!" I looked at him, tears pooling in my eyes. "I'm not your wife anymore."
"But you didn't sign the papers yet so it isn't actually considered a divorce-"
"I'll sign it." I averted my gaze somewhere else. "I'll sign them all and send it to you soon!"
"Don't do this, Emi-"
"You have a stable job in your successful company, a bright future and an understanding people around you, Edward."
"What does all this have anything to do with us!?"
"I also want to be successful in my life. I have my personal life but my professional life is missing and I worked really hard to gain all this knowledge and intellectually. I am a doctor by profession and now it's time for me to use it to help all those needy people outside." I tried to give him a convincing reason so that he would go and leave me alone for a moment.
'Cause talking to him without any satisfying conclusion wasn't doing very well for my present state and the last thing I would ever want was to go and live with him again, after hearing his open confession for Lara that night.
"But you can do it all while staying with me as well!? I never refused you to work and do a job, Lily!"
"I declined my job proposal to support this marriage!"
Edward closed his eyes, probably to calm himself before he gripped my shoulders tightly and shook me once. "Who told you to do that!? Are you out of your mind, Emily!? You studied your brains off, working hard for your studies every single day of your life, to gain the degree of medicals and the next chance you get, you go and decline the very first job you get, not caring a once about your future or your damn hardwork!"
"What else should I have done, Edward!? You never even took your time to take a proper look at my life, 'cause you were so busy with your love life and I got so devoted to this fake marriage that I thought that I might actually be doing good for once in my lifetime if I declined this job and-"
"And you took a control over your future and did the most stupidest thing in the world!?"
"I was craving for your attention, Edward, not realising that you didn't have any time for me from the start. In my way of acting as your fake wife..." I looked at him, tears flowing from my eyes. "I didn't realise when I started to have dreams and desires of a real wife, the one who expects so much from her husband. That he would love and crave for her smile, touch and attention just as much as she has craved for him, and only him.." I turned away from him, facing the opposite side. "all her life." I whispered it to myself, wiping my tears from my face and took steps away from him, attempting to go back to my house.
I inhaled a deep breath, feeling his hands on my shoulders, making me stop in dilemma but I didn't turn around.
Hearing my name roll out so lovely from his mouth made me want to turn around and hug him tightly, to forgive him for everything. I curled my hands in fists and stood erect and silent in my place.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I didn't mean to-"
"But the harm is already done, Edward."
"I really want you back-"
"I'm afraid we might not hang out like old times anymore."
"Mom is falling really sick these days and I want to stay here to take complete care of her."
"Then we both can take care of her-"
"Mom needs me, Edward!"
"And I don't?"
I bit my lips, sighing loudly and turned around to face him.
"You're a grown man now, Edward. You can take care of yourself and your loved ones-"
"But I need you in my life, Emily!"
"No! You don't need me! You need Lara, don't you know that!"
"I know very well what I want, Emily and I want you, no matter what!"
I blinked back my tears, glaring at him with fury and age in my eyes.
"You're just being controlling and possessive and it's really not good for both of us, and our friendship!"
"But that's the truth-"
"I told you it's just some fucking attraction between us and that's why we end up touching each other inappropriately everytime-"
"I swear I'll never touch you again if that's what you want, Emily!" He cupped my cheeks, making me look at him. "If that's what it'll take to make you come with me."
I removed his hands from my chin, tentavily holding his left hand and looked at him in defeat. "You'll never understand what I want, Edward and that's the reason I'll never come back again." I left his hand carefully to his side and stood steps away from him.
"Emily? Why?" He pleaded to me in his beautiful voice.
Ignoring his response, I smiled bitterly at him. "And yes, there is one thing I actually want from you!?"
He looked at me quickly, his eyes filled with hope and expectation.
"When we both return back to living our normal lives, I might need some space from you."
"Space." He repeated, in daze.
"Some time and distance apart." I explained to him. " 'Cause I really need it right now!?"
"You want space from me, Emily?"
"Yes, and that would be best for both of us."
"But why!? I don't see it necessary!"
"Belive me, you don't know how much it's required for us to stay away from each other!"
He closed his eyes and sighed. "Look, Emily, I want to spend my time with you-"
"But I don't want to spend my any time with you!" I yelled at him, seeing his eyes narrowing at my words before he stepped back and stood far away from me, in shock.
Guilt and pain crawled in my heart slowly as I saw him looking down, his eyes refusing to meet mine. Both of us stood drenching in that heavy rain, our hearts beating wildly in our chest, wanting us to say something, maybe more, to the other.
But we found it necessary, not to say it to anyone ever!
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."
"But you mean your words."
"And you want me to stay away from you?"
"That's what I wanted all along."
Edward looked surprised at my words, before he realised he had yet to answer me. "Okay, I won't disturb you ever again. I'll give you space, time or distance, whatever you want." He briefly glanced at me. "From me. If that makes you happy and cheerful, and puts you at ease. I'll try my best at it. Will not disappoint you anymore."
I nodded and he came forward, probably to hug me, raising his hand to touch my shoulders but when I scooted away a little from him, he stared at his hand for a moment and eventually put it down. "Take care, Lily-"
"Emily" I told him and he stood there, confused.
"My name is Emily, not Lily. So I would like it very much if you'd call me by my real name, cause I really love it when people call me by who I am."
"Okay. As you wish, Emily." He pressed my name, with bitterness in his tongue, before striding long steps to his car, without sparing a glance at me. He started the car, his eyes focused on the road but he didn't move forward. For a moment, I thought he was expecting me to stop him and so when I walked a little towards his car, I saw him turn his eyes from the road to look at me.
My eyes locked with his and we stood staring at each other, not caring about the weather. My heart was beating loudly in my ribcage, seeing his eyes filled with hidden plead and a desperate longing.
But it was too late to move forward and embrace each other.
We already got hurt so many times in our love and care for the other, and each pain screamed loudly at me to stay away from him when I continued to come closer to him everyday.
I decided my own fate, but I can't decide his.
He had a bright future ahead of him,
and I was sure he could do better without me.
So, reluctantly, I turned around, putting my back at him, tears from my eyes fell on the wet ground one by one just as I heard him drive away his car in frustration, leaving me behind to cry all night for him.